Divorce Stigma

Divorce is a personal journey and like most things, everyone has an opinion. I can’t count the number of times I heard “marriages are hard” or “think about the kids”. These statements and more like it, filled my head, clouding what I knew to be true; we were not meant to be together. I was divorced last year. It was an emotionally charged experience; some of which I’d do differently, but here I am, divorced, with twin toddlers, and happy.

Divorce stigma suggests that one or both parties did not try hard enough, you’re breaking a vow or breaking apart a family. I can’t speak for other’s experiences, but for me, this is farthest from the truth. Deciding to divorce someone is big. You’re deciding to let go of everything you know, start new and forcing the other person to do the same. It’s a process. You don’t wake up one day and think, ‘I am going to upset my entire life today.’ It’s a slow, drawn out, cruel process that you internalize. Meticulously reviewing every feeling, thought, and action. Putting yourself through every form of counseling you can find, trying to fix the feeling that you can’t shake, deep in your soul, impossible to change, suppress maybe, but not for long.

Life is not black and white. It’s messy, uncertain and raw. Life has curve balls, it’s full of disappointment, sadness, and struggle. But, life is also beautiful. Full of happiness and love, grand experiences and intimate moments; laughter, tender hugs, trust, and bliss. To rob yourself or anyone else of those beautiful moments is wrong. Staying in an unhappy marriage is robbing everyone involved of living their truest, most genuine life; children included. Let it be said. It is ok for your children to grow up with divorced parents. I was raising my twins, as a single divorced working mother, and they are turning out to be remarkable people. If you are thinking about or going through a divorce, you’re not alone. Your feelings are valid, you are allowed to decide that what you wanted at one time is no longer what you need and to change your life. Mostly, know that everything will be ok, and likely better.

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